danil1988

Introduction

The amount of times I have re-written, drafted and then re-drafted my biographies is uncountable. However the amount of times I remember stuff AFTER releasing my biography is unbelievable! So this time, I’ve spent a year piecing everything I remember adding it to the previous stuff and finally making this my biggest version ever. Now I sound like an advert, so I think we should get started.

Preface – Myrdal

I accept that not being entirely truthful in some areas is correct.
I have however tried to be truthful in all areas as much as possible, although some areas might have been forgotten about.
I understand that the removal of certain extracts, which relate to some individuals whom do not wish to be advertised in such way, will hinder some understanding of various areas - but I’ve done my best.
I have attempted to be as most detailed and as most formal but there are some areas that aren’t.

Welcome to “teDology: The Study of teD”.

Section 01 - General Areas Surrounding Me:

It’s easy to explain what you like etc., but putting it in such context that helps makes others understand who you actually are as a person isn’t as easy as pie. So I’ve broken it down into a lot of “I..” sentences to make it easier for me and for you.

Well I'm 5' 8" maybe higher since I last checked. Usually weigh up to 11 stone but can go to 10.5 sometimes. My favourite food of all time is Pasta and Italian stuff, mainly lasagne, and wedges though. I enjoy Sociology very much, hence why some of my headings are some terms used in the subject of society. I strongly agree to both the Post-modern and Marxist view of society as well agreeing with Modernisation theorists in the global context. I believe that we live in a pick and mix society, choosing how we dress and how we view religion individually not collectively (Post-modern), I agree that the Ruling Class exploit us for make benefit of themselves (Marxism), and I finally agree that countries should become more westernised and modernise (Modernisation theory) because it should bring them out of poverty (even though this raises many of criticisms – which I agree to as well). My strong views on the Media haven’t really been expressed as much but some of my friends do notice sometimes. The technical side of Media is however, expressed a lot. When watching Spiderman 3, Casino Royale or Next, I end up analysing it and seeing the areas where they messed up and on where they spent there time on. But areas like the news and the press really do annoy me most. They think what they say, what pictures they print and what headlines they give will in some way hook there readers and bring more money in. But in actual fact – it creates moral panics, folk devils, stereotypes, scapegoats and many other things, which prevents our country from living in peace. Celebrity Status is one thing. If your created by the media, the only thing that can break you is your creator themselves. The media look after you if you look after them, there such an unnecessary force, keeping people locked under a “no running away from” service. If I had my way – there would be no press and everyone could make there own decisions in life instead of decisions being made for him or her.
My name to which I respond to the quickest is teD, originating from John Lewis’s in the Trafford centre, George (chip) formally knighted me teD – for the main reason that it was on the wallet I was buying at the time. Strange I know but cool.
I’m always buying something new (I’ll explain the main reasons why later but for now I’m just building the basics). In 2007 I bought an XBOX 360, loads of games, a 6ft bean bag, a laptop, shoes, clothes and I pay for the gas and electric bill so thanks to my job for helping me buy the stuff I want! Money has always been an issue with me simply because we never had enough of it when I was younger. So what I’ve started to do now is; Take about £50 out of my wages, and keep the rest stored in the bank. This was when I get paid again in 2 weeks time; I would of only spent £100 a month therefore saving £400+. Quite an achievement seeing as I’m used to getting money then spending it straight away!

Section 02 – It is A Boy:

I, Danil Rak Singh, was born on the 17th of December 1988 at 11.58pm. Born 2 weeks early I was put in an intensive care unit and left to become stable until I was released a few days later. Technically I only have 2 minutes of a birthday so count yourself lucky!
A few months after being released I was given the title of 'Cutest Toddler' by the Bolton Newspaper at the age of 3 months. Having come 3rd in the competition I was given a massive portrait of the winning picture and it still hangs on the lounge wall at home. Someone who wasn’t even a toddler won 1st place. So now I’m starting to believe it was fixed.
Believe it or not I was going to be called Daniel, which realistically isn’t very inventive. So because my dad wanted something better (and with them both agreeing) they removed the E and called me Danil instead. Perfect.

Section 03 - The 'Supporting Role' of the Singh Family:

Defiantly the Asian elite who thought they ran the show. Although not as religious as other Sikh preachers they still insisted on going to the Temple on various occasions. Being more "white" also led me to being the odd one at the Temple. At every occasion I always got one person looking at me as though I'm not meant to be there or I'm intruding into their beliefs. Even though I didn't want to be there because of this as well as its not appealing to my own beliefs I didn't feel like I fitted in from day one. I remember the day’s when my cousin and me used to do rock-paper-scissors when we got bored. And when we used to eat boiled sweets so we didn’t disturb anyone else by coughing. The layout of the temple still lies in my head as a vision, strange how all the details stick out. The days when my cousins and me used to put our shoes high as possible because we were convinced someone else would still them or a fat person would squash them. The air in the temple was that of belief and trust in everyone. Something you don’t normally notice. Something everyone did notice however, was my hair. When you go in you have to cover your hair with a headscarf, boys are a lot shorter then the women version. So because when it’s tightened on your head I used to get a massive outline on my head – apparently funny at the time. There was a lot of fun times there but a lot of secluded times.

Moving on from the Temple, my Grandmas' next-door neighbour, respectively called 'Auntie' insisted on me being "more of my mum" then my dad. However my Grandma always said "no I'm my dad". The debate over being more known from skin never faded. She always picked on me as she knows I can't communicate with my Grandma as well (because I never picked up on the language) so she always talks to me in front of everyone asking questions I can't understand putting me under pressure.

When my dad went into prison this was constant as I had to go live with my Uncle & Auntie. Sleeping on the top bunk of my cousin’s bunk beds Auntie said - once the Bunk Beds were made, "I should pay money to stay". Everyone just laughed it off. But I didn’t. Being restricted from my own home and being 16 at the time I hated living there. My letters to my dad were read before being sent. They read what replies my dad had sent me and I was looked at always as a 'Guest or an Outsider'. Being under minded by the supporting family at every opportunity was even demonised as I attempted to integrate. I changed my speech as I related to my uncle in a conversation about Bouncers at a Bar and both my cousin and he laughed - which made me into a complete fool.
When fights broke out between my cousin and me and I once stormed off round the corner it was seen as running away, and the side of my cousin was taken completely not noticing I was the victim. My uncle shouted me back to the house (when I "ran away") and I ignored him - he shouted at me when he found me at my Grandma's crying – which looking back is quite pathetic.
They just ganged up and went against me. Even now when they visit they always have something bad to say about me, "you've lost weight", "your hair looks like a cap" and on one occasion when I just bought my 18th birthday cake from Tesco (which was the cheapest because I thought "Why spend good money on something pathetic") they said "did you make it yourself" and laughed. When they visited here I avoided them and hid in my room hoping they won’t come upstairs, although they do anyway and terrorise my bedroom asking “why have you got posters up” and “I don’t understand this one” (it was a beer poster with the effects of beer – what’s to get?).

Sarita however is a lot different, she is more to my level, laughs at the random and enjoys life relaxes fully - when she's a lot older she will probably feel the same as me, writing a biography of the same restrictions her parents give out and of life’s qualities treating her bad.
My dad hates being referred to as Asian; he is rather known as a white man and likes it better then his heritage title. I suppose this is good for both of us in some context. I don’t get the Asian rules forced upon me as such and he gets to chill out.

Section 04 - A Friendship:

The bad side to life being young was defiantly living at my Aunts and Uncle's house but the good side was at school where I met loads of new people whom I’m still in touch with now. Knowing Mark Williams for about the same time I've been alive for is most defiantly my strongest friend of them all. George is nearing but there is no race in being someone’s best friend. Parrswood is defiantly the place of all my friends origination as well as Cavendish being the origin of Jodie, Lynette, Ali, Charlotte, Caroline, Laura, Danielle & Asad. It's probably best if I collate the people I've known longest in a separate paragraph.

[Mark Williams]

Known since I was at the age of three I was invited to his birthday party next door to my house. Ever since that day we have grown up with him playing on the PlayStation on Gauntlet, Final Fantasy X, listening to Vanessa Carlton, Fly on the wings of love, quite gay I know, but he’s my best buddy. Although he has moved to Torpoint communication is not a problem – technology makes it much easier.
Remember the days when I sent him letters through the post with the secret markers, pretty cool when being 13 years old!
Went to see him in 2007 and it was amazing. He stayed over and got us drunk, we took some seriously crazy pictures and went Cornish shopping!

[Asad Hashmi]

When starting at Cavendish Year 5 – I already previously knew Asad from the Aunts’ & Uncles’ side of life so being in some sense family he defiantly gave me someone as a fallback if I couldn’t make friends! Instead it was easier to just chill with him. Even though there were times in everyone’s school life you get bullied and this guy did it, there are no harsh feelings. I remember the time when he loved Aisha Butt and bought her Ferror Rochers and ate them instead!
Remember the days we sat outside on his uncle’s wall and thought about my mum and how I would ever get in contact with her and what I remembered of her. We sat for hours, and he just sat and looked at me. There’s me sat there explaining every last thing I knew about her – now I’m talking to my mum fully. Time is so quick.

[George Paul]

George! Impossible to forget or not hear of this monkey friendly chap. More so of a brother then a friend I’ve known him since High School Year 7 – although I’m still not convinced he was in my Year 7 class. When introducing him to Michael Jones and meeting him in form (which I still refuse to believe) we became friends in some strange way. James Bond, Final Fantasy, Laughing and more recently drinking JD - so basically we share common interests.
Every time I see him without a pink t-shirt I freak out. I can’t deal with him not being in some way pink. Doesn’t suit him, makes him look gay if he doesn’t wear pink. Sometimes he pisses me off but I get by lol!

[White House Family]

The family created in Year 11 on the grounds of Sammy Ville made this family be born. Every time there was a fight a massive division in the so-called “family” occurred, so it was blatantly obviously we was no family and sides would easily be taken. Samantha, Me, George, Adam M, Adam T, Ali, Zainab, Joshua, Ben, Grant, Emma, Lorna, Natasha, Rachael, Claire (I think), Robert, Rev and in some way Jay are apart of the family. Sorry if I missed you out.

[College Family]

The most recent of families is this one. Not as big as the White House family, roughly 16 of us piled into the cinemas, forums as well as around the common room table. Events caused disruption at one point in 2007 but events are seen and forgotten but those involved are not. Zainab Zaman a lost idol of the family left and as usual the premenstrual women began the bitching! Seeing the divide on the table with women bitching and the men just looking at each other as though to say “pfft” is defiantly predominantly the attitude held by us.
Realistically there is no family it is what I call a “term that unites”, there is no real family, no blood relations, no father, mother, and children – no what sociologists call Primary Socialisation – but in these terms Tertiary Socialisation! Even though Ali (who probably doesn’t realise) is personally quite expressive in morals and wants to know everyone’s ups and downs is seen as a father figure (but personally, there shouldn’t be one) as everyone should be equal.
There was a time when Kamran’s episode of “blackouts” convinced everyone it was true. But I thought otherwise and created a list of events that showed the evidence against him. He still denies it.

Section 05 - Meritocracy:

My school life at the early stages of education was pretty awesome, and still is to a certain extent, here is how it is;

[Wilbraham Primary School – Fallowfield]

My first Primary school was at this place and was also school to my First Girlfriend - Kylie. Can’t really remember how we started but I defiantly remembered how it ended! It was lunchtime, at winter. We were all playing in the snow when I saw Kylie making a snowman, so as a baby Gentlemen I offered to help. We were happily making a snowman until its head fell off. So as women do I got shouted at for it. And so as a man I through a snowball at her! It lasted about a day...never saw her after that.
Phillip was my first mate and taught me how to swivel a hat on my finger!
At dinner time I used to look through this window just by the food stall and always guessed how many dinner ladies got the bike here and was usually wrong, he however was right.
This school also taught me what was Push and Pull when I tried to push a pull door when going into the upstairs hall.
I also got humiliated in front of the whole school when in assembly a women was doing some dancing and I tried to tie my shoelace. That was it. I got shouted at for that in front of the whole school!! And then I got nasty looks from all the teachers. Remembered one time I was chatting up this girl (in primary school!) and because of the way the school was set out the boys toilets were opposite of the corridor to the boys. So as we were talking I ended at the girls toilets. Pointless I know but you know'. Probably was Kylie ha! Then I left...

[Ladybarn Primary School – Ladybarn]

My second school and my second girlfriend! Or should I say first affair anyway. I started here at year 2 with Mrs. Howarth who at break time always used to get our break food and go "Who's Quavers…ing to school today?" and the person who bought Quavers would go up and get them. I soon caught her out when I brought a pick and mix in! She also wore a see-thru blouse & bra (Makes me sick)! So as a kid I was traumatised. Yeah as I said before, first affair I kind of did. I went out with Claire and Tracey. But Claire was the real deal I walked her home and everything in about year 5. I actually became mature then because some guy wanted to pull all the papers out of the printer & staple them all and I went "argh, that’s so childish, be immature". I then had to explain to the little kid what immature was. Ishaq the guy who never ran was my best mate and walked with me everywhere. But as soon as Sports Day came he was well first! There was also a report of a paedophile in the bushes across in the park so the dinner ladies scuffled us all inside and called the Police.
I brought in a pot of sweets one time for the joke. Half of them got robbed plus I got shouted at for taking glass on the field, how random!
I also started to put the mash potato on top of my fish fingers. I also lied to the dinner lady when I said I was vegetarian - I didn’t know the difference!
We sang in assembly to "All Things Bright & Wonderful...." and had some badge system, which a Triple Star was the best! I had single bronze :( I valued that so much when I got that. But people used to cheat and take them off other people. How unfair.
Want to know why I don't like football? Well it all started before school when a group of guys was one man short. So I played. Soon it rained a few minutes later and I slipped. They all laughed at me while on the floor saying "you’re not a true footballer, your shit." The next day I saw them again playing in the rain, they shouted saying “this is what real men play – even in the rain”, personally I couldn’t give a toss.
Mr. Heinz (The Head teacher) left and Mrs. Young who recently through a chair at a student took over. I learnt how to tell the time in year 4 with Mrs. Knowleys who told me to pull my socks up when I grassed on her when she hit me. I also learnt what an exclamation mark is!!
I cried when I left Mr. Crawley's class but was glad when I didn't have to go back to school with tramp Matthew who bullied me. He wasn't allowed out and lived across me in the other avenue. When he did come out he through a stick of wood in my eye and I cried in my back garden.
Even though I cried I left and was glad I didn't have to see Matthew. At school though before I left I got my revenge. Ishaq and me got him big time! We pushed him over!! Even though I was glad to go I still miss the Witch's Brew sweets from the ice-cream van after school.

[Cavendish Primary School – Didsbury]

My 3rd school and my 3rd girlfriend! Who as my cousin says, "Has a wobbly eye" - Which she did have now has a child! Jade McPeake, which was like knee height and asked me to marry her after I put a Valentines Card in her tray. I then sent her a message in Wingdings font saying no. It lasted until we went to the same high school and moved on. I was the yo-yo champ for stalling and painted an owl on the wall in year 5. I saw everyone get married and divorced in the Castle and got called Kenny by the teacher to which I have no idea why. I got bullied twice here - Sean and sum other tall guy because I wouldn’t play with him, sorted him out though. Had my first fight, which I got a red card, but was let off because I was new! Don’t even know what happened to him. The School Disco's were the best ever and on the last disco I got a piece of cake with my name on it, how cool! At Cavendish we sort of shared the school canteen with disabled people which was kind of scary being a kid and Chris Hugo the fat bastard, was always first go back for 2nd's and 3rd's! I hated it when the dinner ladies complained how much food was wasted as well. No wonder why! The dinners were CRAP and who on earth eats Jam & Butter Sandwiches. The day I left was so sad, I was on my own walking out of the gates - not crying, and Stacey gave me a hug saying she'll miss me and that she had so many things to say to me but couldn't say it. She then let go and said good luck and goodbye. I walked 2 steps and cried. I still go back sometimes to visit and the teachers let on to me, but not been back for a few years now.

[Parrswood Technology College – Didsbury]

High School, could never forget it. Made so many friends from Sammy Ville to the White House people. To going out with so few people so many times. Having fun in the Gym with the Busher and Ali fights, where Ali was saying Bushers' prime minister was on benefits and called Busher a terrorist. Chilling at break on the rails, getting over break ups and sorting out fights, to turkey burgers and boring assemblies. Being so hyper to being so down. To all the boring lessons to all the exciting ones. Seeing all the teachers go by one by one. For Porn Pup to the secret bottle. Finding secrets about people, starting wars with the Moshers and rebels of the group. Bitching about people within the group. Waiting for everyone at the vents in the morning. Throwing yoghurts at Busher, on the floor and on the wall of art. Creating Moyra and locking everyone down the stair wells which stank of fish. And then revising for all the exams and going to the formal.
This school was the best ever. Can never forget.

[Xaverian College – Rusholme]

The worst year of my life in the education times was at this place. Although meeting some friends and moving Law class because I hated the teacher I had to move college ASAP. So me and Michael Jones left and I still remember the days walking up Wilmslow road saying “In a few months we will think back at this moment and see the torture we had”. And today that has happened. It’s amazing how time passes and how quick things pass us by. I still remember catching the bus with Shabana to go college, I still remember throwing pennies down the roof with Tom, I remember the waiting outside the R.E and the torture of meditating, the waiting for the January 2006 exams, learning in Maths, making new friends, saying to people “your late” outside form, smelling the dirty scent of Coffee in the Senior’s corridor. It’s amazing how a year has passed.

[Parrswood Sixth Form – Didsbury]

Now this place is a college! Teachers are amazing, social life is amazing, food is…ok! But on the whole this place is truly awesome. Meeting new people and beating Natalie in a game of blackjack is truly a good memory for me. Bernadette McGrath however, is not. She took our cards, Natasha’s poker set, threatened us with exclusion & gives us dirties. So in retaliation we made Jay put his mackerel juice in her office and ran away - quite amusing at the time.
The college family table to the weekly cinema showings we all stayed as a family together and even have a MySpace. A truly great year of my life spent wisely.

Section 06 – A Question of Understand-ability:

It is hard to understand ones experience and take into account that they have probably gone through a lot more stuff then yourself, but it is not hard to relate to stress factors. Everyone gets stressed at one point and if your short tempered you loose it. One time when I was pushed to the limit was when Cleo m dog was being teased and was constantly barking, and there was people downstairs laughing, and my computer was going slow and I couldn't do my work because of the noise and the computer speed. So I just lost it and smashed my mouse up, hit the computer screen and shouted down the stairs for everyone to shut up. Another is a time when my dad shouted at me for some reason and I know it sounds horrendous but I pushed my whole shelf of James Bond films on the floor! A final one that I can remember is being so full of rage that when I attempted to open a door the door handle came off in my hand – that just made me think, “Shit how do I fix it”.
Physique was always an issue when getting stressed so much and it some how when working out takes away that anger and build up of stress away. So nearly every night after school I used to do sit-ups and press-ups, and more recently dumbbells. If you train – you know. Getting ready for the RAF in some sense also provides an incentive to train.
The hair has been an ever-changing issue. It has gone from bald, to who gives a shit, to a small Mohican. Soon it would probably be something else – but I can’t really think of what else I could have!

Section 07 – Super exploitation

The work place has been ever changing. Beginning with the £4 something an hour at Next for 2 days to super exploitive Kebabish at £2.85 an hour, then too Exchange Bar & Grill whom all the managers swore at you and threatened not to pay you, when I was doing my job perfectly fine and constantly taking food out on these massive trays which weighed a tonne and giving the customer what they want (tips, made by the waiter/waitress was given to the managers and given to the runners – which was me £1 a hour). Ridiculously I went back after about 3 years and gave back my locker key. The face on the waitress’ was priceless. She was like “how do you know which number the key is too?”, I’m like – in a James Bond voice…“It’s mine”.

To more recently Cineworld Cinemas, this is such an amazing place to work. You get free cinema, time and a half on bank holidays, good pay, and four weeks paid holiday plus 40% discount for me and a friend.
This place has been increasingly annoying for me, firstly because of the pressure upheld by the management in order to keep me in line. This is partly my fault, but when someone jumps an escalator. You don’t act instinctively. It’s easy for someone to say “why didn’t you do this…why didn’t you do that…”. Everyone does that, but no one does what they say. So for Andrea (the general manager) to say that did annoy me but I have too much respect for her to slag her off in my notes, she has too much experience to do that too. But to the person who grassed on me and didn’t tell me to my face, which made me, find out through FaceBook Watcher isn’t cool. Being turned down for Supervisor 3 times hasn’t bothered me anymore as it used to do. In my opinion, being a supervisor proves to the management that they trust you to look after a team. I don’t need that satisfaction – knowing my peers and the management are able to work with me without having to tell them anything is the best job in the world. The managers aren’t daft, they have done there job long enough to understand qualities, have instinct when looking through CV’s and understand the difference between a good & bad worker and still seeing good areas in a bad worker. I’m pretty sure I’ve got these qualities too.
My dad used to be a managing director for a mechanic garage. My mum is a managing director, has a master and has got them little letters after her name! My Auntie is a teacher. My uncle is a managing director. My step dad is a manager. My other uncles vary from a managing director to a lawyer. My cousins vary from a pilot to a trainee lawyer. And finally my other Auntie is a manager. No short sticks in the family or short of any business books. So that’s why – I know what I’m doing!
My managers at work are ace. Some are lazy (you know who you are) and some just hurt you for fun (also, you know who you are). Andrea for instance, has done her job for a very long time. Worked the same way I have, done the same stuff, picked up trades and points and filtered them down. She’s been lucky in the way she was promoted and clever in the way she wanted to stay on the level of the cinema and not head office. Naturally, people dislike her. But that’s the persona she has to keep but all in all a very under rated person.
The normal day-to-day average workers are ace as well Echi, Kelly, Louis, Anne-Marie, Mike and the belated Ed & Graham. The list goes on…
Everyone is ace that’s why I’ve been there for so long. You get the odd day where you can’t be arsed but that day hasn’t been since my 4th week.
I know how to serve on Concessions, Box, a bit on Bar, I know floor, I’m considered the Ben & Jerry’s king, I know how to pop and now Andrea let me train a newcomer (inc. Paperwork) which was just weird. Having the responsibility over the education of someone else was (I know it’s a bit dramatic) but amazing! It’s hard to let them know everything but within 2 days they are at the standard of any trooper.
MY worst customer had to be the one I had in the early 2008 year. I saw him fill his pick and mix bag and he went to concessions. Because I was on doors and it was in the morning I got someone to cover doors and asked him to follow me so we can complete his purchase, as we don’t have scales on concessions. I apologised about the scales only being on Ben & Jerry’s and he complained he wanted to pay for everything together. My personal hate! Sweets should be paid at the sweet counter and popcorn at the popcorn counter. They are 2 separate things. So he said “I want to talk to the manager and tell him to get his head out of his arse because this is ridiculous”. I replied, “I’m training to be a manager and I’m going to sort this”. As soon as I mentioned manager his face dropped! It was amazing. I reckon I’d make a good manager. I’d pump some motivation in the place. Not that there isn’t any anyway, but when the normal managers come along and do an investigation on you – your levels drop and you can’t be bothered. Managers leave you on a bad note, not on an appreciative level. I know for a fact I’d never make manager at Didsbury, but maybe somewhere else?

There used to be days when I was in college and my dad didn’t want me to work – so he gave me £40 a week so I would focus on my studies and not help these super exploitative ruling class to use me for there services! Mad I know, but nice!

Section 08 – Criminal Activity

I personally haven’t been in trouble with the racist, middle class, male dominated law enforcement. But my dad has.
He’s been arrested on many of occasions for crimes he did commit, and crimes he participated in. The latest involving GBH and a lot of car related drunken crimes (you get my drift). Meeting him in Prison is obviously the worse feeling in the world but you get used to it. Strange ways and Risely are places I’ve been to both between 2001-2006. Security obviously time consuming but he was out in a few months (to which I stayed at the Singh’s house).

Section 09 - The Past

I’ve dated a few in my time. Starting from Primary School in Year 2;

[Kylie]
Began in Wilbraham Year 2 and ended a few days after because I threw a snowball at her head. Quite amusing looking back.

[Claire]
Began in Ladybarn Year 5 and it didn’t really take off. Kind of ended when I just left the school and didn’t tell her!

[Jade McPeake]
Started in Cavendish, Year 5 and ended a year after – she made the highest record! I asked her out on Valentines Day when putting the card in her tray. I kind of gave it away when I said “Jade, I saw someone put a note in your tray!” Kind of got buggered when she asked who! It even got to the immature stage of asking our parents to have our blessing! I then wrote her a letter in the Windings font saying that I don’t like her any more. It took her 2 days to decode. (I think I’ve got a thing for windings now.) Apparently she’s a mum now.

[Zainab Zaman]
High School, around about year 8 to year 9. 2 times, 3 times, 4 times is a normal school rate for going out with someone. But No. 7 times i.e. SEVEN times at trying to make it work. Did it work, did it heck! Still her mate though. Remember the time when she broke up with me because I didn’t argue with her enough! Then when I argued, she said we argued too much. Then it got to the stage of hate, and she said she would make me pay. Whatever.

[Samantha Ashcroft]
This paragraph is going to be long. Well the main bit is that we have been going out on and off since Year 9. Still mates, but I still get annoyed and we still argue nearly everyday, which is kind of good in some sense but kind of not in another. She has some mad OCD problem with beds being perfect and made with no creases. (I call her pathetic, but I’m starting to believe she actually has OCD). We have this little keyword which when we argue we say to stop the argument and let it blow over (which I highly recommend), ours is “Quite Chair”, don’t ask. She is cute at times but equally a scary bitch at other times, enough for you to fear for your life. People mock her but I don’t really care, they are just attacking themselves as much as they are attacking themselves.

[Ashley Kilburn]
Beginning at the end of Year 12, we lasted about a month. Just before the Summer Holidays we had to decide quickly if we were going to leave it for a month & 2 weeks or give it a go. As obvious patterns happen it didn’t work, we had some good times though; the pink tent, the blue tack, the fireplace which hated me, Leppy Edward, and the long walk to get some chewing gum. Although it didn’t go good and there was probably a time of hatred which I might not of picked up on were still mates now.
I knew I shouldn’t have told Ash I was writing her paragraph now, because now she wants me to say; “Leppy Ed’s going to get you".

Section 10 - The Future

Although unrealistic to some, the Royal Air Force appeals to me the most. Helping others whilst having a job which is different to everyone else is what I’ve always wanted. I don’t want to sit in an office with phones ringing every 2 minutes asking for the CEO. I want to be out there in a different country serving the interests of the country and attempting to help poverty etc.
The ideal 2 children idea also appeals to me. One boy, one girl, where can you go wrong? The boy has to be older as well, so he can look after his little sister!
I’d love to retire to New Zealand and get married abroad but the costs are just crazy.

Section 11 – My Heroes

I wish I was my own hero or I was a hero myself. Not a superhero, but like a role model instead. Knowing someone looks up to me like I do to Andrea for instance would be amazing. My actual heroes are listed:

*Daniel Craig – Simply because he’s James Bond, and makes a good blonde bond.
*Jeremy Kyle – A peacekeeper and a bear baiter for Manchester.
*Cubby Broccoli - An absolute true legend for inspiration.
*Bill Gates – A true inventor.
*Ian Fleming – With his imagination he created such a phenomenon.
*Ben & Sometimes Jerry if he’s nice. – Imagination as wild as there’s has created my job!

Section 12 – Holidays

I’ve been on a fair few holidays. From Majorca to Cyprus and hopefully Malaga are places I’ve been to; here is a breakdown of all the holidays.

*Majorca – My first holiday with my mum, and it was mad! Not much sun but it was funny because Laura’s hair was so BIG!
*Tenerife – My main sun holiday where the sun was actually out and sun tanned us all.
*Portugal – My funniest holiday yet. I did the spaz dance, Jesus and the Mongolian advert, was amazing.
*Scotland – Such a good break from everything up in the hills, in a nice house in the hills. Was bootiful.
*Cyprus – This sun holiday was the birth of me getting into a fridge, me being filthily drunk and being a witness of the best house in the world.
*Cornwall – A good break as well and fun because Mark took us here there and everywhere in Cornwall. Made a good video after it to remember.

Section 13 - teDology

As this biography now draws to a close and has took years to re-do! My life still continues day to day with its own problems and positive features. Autobiographies aren’t able to automatically update its self once one event occurs so now once this is finally published it will be out of date and what you have just read has slipped into a marginalized section of the new biography, which probably won’t ever come out because I can’t be bothered unless it gets published into a book! Which would be so strangely cool.

All I can end with is some quotations that will hopefully get you thinking.

Trans National Corporations – My own evaluation:
How are you able to punish a damaging company like Nestle when once the CEO is put in prison s/he will just get replaced?

Trans National Corporations – My own evaluation:
Nestle wasn’t punished for making women dependant on there baby milk and not giving them the water to dilute the powder in 3rd world countries.
Whose law are they punishable under ours or there’s? Does it even matter?

Mass Media – My own evaluation:
Why are women treated under the “Male Gaze” - as sex objects and role models? Maybe because it’s what the audience wants, ever thought about what women want?

Gender and Development – Foster Carter:
Women are the satellite that is no one’s metropolis.

Overseas Development Aid – My Own Evaluation:
How is it possible to help a country out of poverty when the government you give the money too is corrupt?

Trans National Corporations – My own evaluation:
Coca Cola is the second biggest word used in the world.
Coca Cola is equally the second biggest killer in the 3rd world.
They take 3 litres of water to make one litre of Coca Cola.
What do the 3rd world villagers meant to do?

My adapted version of Master Chief’s quote:
Don’t praise me for doing something expected. Praise those who don’t.

Section 14 – Conclusion

Finally at the last section of the biography and to tell you the truth I’m glad. It’s taken too long to revamp it and I wish I could of put more stuff in it and I wish I remembered a lot more. There are a lot of areas I can’t talk about because of contracts and because of personal reasons but to tell you the truth it wouldn’t add much on. So to draw to a close; thanks for reading most probably the worst biography in the world! Love, teD.

Piczo